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If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. But if you've learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave. Pursue at your leisure, English
lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1 The bandage was wound around the wound.
2 The farm was used to produce produce.
3 The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4 We must polish the Polish furniture.
5 He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6 The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7 Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8 A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9 When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10 I did not object to the object.
11 The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12 There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13 They were too close to the door to close it.
14 The buck does funny things when does are present.
15 A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16 To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17 The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18 After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19 Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20 I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21 How can I intimate this to my intimate friend?

There is no egg in egg plant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries
in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which
aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea or it is a pig. And why is it that
writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Good stuff.

I love it. But what is fascinating is that all language is fluid, and it evolves constantly. But particularly, it seems, English.

New words, which my two teenagers often use to my initial bewilderment, are being introduced all the time.

Such as "minger" or "chav".

Every year, the Oxford English Dictionary becomes bigger - and better - as new words come into usage. Words relating to IT and technology are the obvious ones that spring to mind, but industry buzz words and common slang too. And then, of course, the differences between different versions of English. And the different meanings of the same words. Like "F" "A" "G", for example. An innocent meaning over here (cigarette) but clearly one which could cause offence in the USA as it won't even post properly. I had to edit this to make the point.

And the same words which develop a new meaning. The new larger OED apparently has explanations of aviation terms such as rotate and spool, though I've not seen it myself.

Don't you just love it!

J

Edited, and moved on...

Dave,

Your post brings chills to me. I recall starting 1st grade in New York and teachers and other kids speaking to me in English. I was so confused I just didn’t speak. English is my 4th language. But at the time, we (the children) were not to ever speak any of the languages we knew. The order had come from my grandfather, it was like God speaking to us. I recall him telling us, in broken English, that we were in the United States now and we only speak English.

WW 2 was not a good time to speak a foreign language in the United States. This was especially true if it was German or sounded like German (to English speakers), as our three languages did. We certainly did not want anyone to know we were “just off the boat,” or to look too closely as to how the family got here.

I knew the answers to the questions the teachers were asking me, I just didn’t know what language I was answering in. If it was the “wrong” one I was in deep scheis. It took me about a year to begin to sort it out - an ongoing, never ending process for me.

The examples in your post were just some of what made me crazy. Add to that, some of my family made a stop in England for a year or so, they had British spelling of many words.

Frank

My favorite:

If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Frank - damn, I thought 1st grade was scary enough without all that pressure! Very interesting.

I also speak another language. Garbled Southern!

Jonothan,

Interesting about your "F" "A" "G" comment. I recall the old American war years song which went, “Strike up a lucifer and light your "F" "A" "G", smile boys that the style.”

Paper,
Boy did I have a time in London finding anyone who spoke English. It was just slightly better out of the city.

wncbmw,
I went to school in Kentucky, I don't speak "GS" but I mostly understand it.

Frank

I took Russian in high school, and had to learn a new alphabet. After learning this, it seemed everything was spelled just like it sounds, and so was very easy for me to learn.

I took French in middle school, and I still cannot remember which is feminine or masculine, when it comes to a pen and pencil. There seems to be no rhyme or reason when it comes to making things feminine or masculine in French, and I could not remember whether to use Le or La... what a headache. Still, I believe English is much more difficult to learn than most languages.

Vote for most difficult alphabet? Well, I think I would be overwhelmed if I had to learn symbols for every word in the dictionary, as the Japanese and other Asian people do.