Holy crap! I'm more of a redneck than I thought!

[yjleesvrr]

Since moving two months ago to Northern VA, I’ve been enjoying my new home and the process of furnishing it over the past two months. But one rather surprising struggle I’ve been dealing with is that Northern VA has revealed me to be something of a hick. Despite the fact that I spend a hundred days a year in New York and New Jersey, living in Southwest VA all these years seems to have had a profound effect on me. It’s a larger culture shift than I had anticipated moving within the state.

I guess the fact that the Allman Brothers has become my favorite rock band in recent years, a growing desire to learn the banjo (and mandolin) has become implanted in my head, my steadily growing gun collection, a Harley in the stable, and my desire to buy a full-size pickup truck next year should have told me something. So now I find myself living in the midst of northern transplants yearning for a joint that serves pulled-pork Carolina BBQ and a conversation with someone with a thick southern accident. The word “y’all” never sounded so good to me.

Sheesh. I used to make fun of these people. Now I realize I’m more like them than I thought.

[MikeCam]

Haymarket is East Loudon County, right? That is like New York from a transplanted Yankee perspective. Certainly no longer a Virginia culture.

Wait, what side of 15 are you located? That can make a BIG difference.

[TonyT607]

Hey, Yong, maybe this'll help:

You know you're a redneck when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls -- and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

31. You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table.
In front of her kids.


Hey, I tried Monster Sushi in Summit NJ last week - the place rocks, just as good or better than the place we tried on Rte 22. Let me know if you're up for it next time you're in NJ.

See ya
T

[toner87]

So now I find myself living in the midst of northern transplants yearning for a joint...

Honestly, I thought you were going to stop there... Please, take no offense, I just love the way you wrote that...

All my inlaws live in Mississippi and Alabama, so I know exactly what you're talking about. Pickups, guns, bourbon, canned beer, sexy southern accents, what more can you ask for?
T.

[perfectstranger]

A friend mailed this poem to me a few weeks ago:


IN MY SOUTH

~~In my South no one eats possum. We do, on occasion, accidentally run over them.

~~In my South little girls wear bows in their hair.

~~In my South banana pudding is its own food group.

~~My South doesnt have hoagies. In my South, we eat po boys.

~~In my South the back porches are screened and the front porches have rocking chairs and swings.

~~In my South the ham is as salty as the oysters.

~~In my South everyone waves.

~~In my South we know the difference between yams and sweet potatoes.

~~In my South we eat every part of the pig, just like they do in Paris.

~~In my South we use knives, forks and spoons, but we let cornbread and biscuits finish the job.

~~My South has tar-paper shacks but it also has tall-glass skyscrapers.

~~In my South people will put crabmeat on almost anything.

~~My South has tire swings hanging under live oak trees.

~~In my South grandmothers will put almost anything inside a mold filled with Jell-O.

~~In my South cobbler is a dessert, not a shoemaker.

~~In my South the only things that squeal like a pig are pigs.

~~In my South ice cream is made on the back porch instead of in a factory.

~~In my South grandmothers always have a homemade cake or pie on the counter.

~~My South has bottle trees.

~~In my South we give a firm handshake.

~~In my South soppings is an acquired skill and could be an Olympic sport.

~~My South is oleander and honeysuckle.

~~In my South we celebrate Easter a month-and-a-half early with a two-week long party called Mardi gras.

~~In my South fried chicken is a religion with its own denomination.

~~My South has sugar-sand beaches, pine forests, plains, hills, swamps and mountains.

~~In my South we still open doors and pull out chairs for ladies.

~~In my South we eat hushpuppies instead of wearing them on our feet.

~~In my South its OK to discuss politics and religion at the dinner table. As a matter of fact, it is required.

~~In my South we dont hold Elviss movies against him.

~~My South has shrimp boats and multi-colored sunrises.

~~In my South we move slowly because we can.

~~My South has covered dish suppers and cutting-edge fine dining restaurants.

~~In my South young boys still catch fireflies in washed out mayonnaise jars.

~~In my South 50% of the dinner conversation deals with someones genealogy.

~~In my South we dont burn crosses, we worship them.

~~In my South the dogs are still scratching.

[Boxer]

yearning for a joint

Whew! You had me going there for a second.

And I don't know what you are talking about. All those things you mention sound perfectly normal to me.

[wncbmw]

a conversation with someone with a thick southern accident.

If you had made Willville last weekend, I could have helped you with that one!

Hey Tony, I don't know about a NJ guy posting redneck jokes!? But then, I can't argue with most of them!

[rdsmith3]

Hey Tony, I don't know about a NJ guy posting redneck jokes!? But then, I can't argue with most of them!

There are a lot of rednecks in NJ -- without the accent but with the old cars in the front yard -- in places like Gloucester, Salem and Cumberland counties.

[sjbmw]

Hey Tony, I don't know about a NJ guy posting redneck jokes!? But then, I can't argue with most of them!

There are a lot of rednecks in NJ -- without the accent but with the old cars in the front yard -- in places like Gloucester, Salem and Cumberland counties.

Hey now! I live in Gloucester County!!!! And some of our best riding roads are in Salem and Cumberland counties!!

(My town has an ordinance about dead cars though. May have been a problem once huh?)

[yjleesvrr]

Mike - I'm in northern Prince William county, about 5 miles from Loudoun. I'm on the east side of 15 by half a mile.

Can't wait to buy that banjo...

[R4R&R]

Hey now! I live in Gloucester County!!!! And some of our best riding roads are in Salem and Cumberland counties!!

I thought New Jersey was a big traffic jam?

Mike - I'm in northern Prince William county, about 5 miles from Loudoun. I'm on the east side of 15 by half a mile.

Can't wait to buy that banjo

Prince William county is main stream now, the rednecks have moved out to Stafford and....Madison county.

[MikeCam]

I love my neighbors!

[yjleesvrr]

John - are you kidding me? Traffic in NJ is far better than Northern VA.

[rdsmith3]

Hey Tony, I don't know about a NJ guy posting redneck jokes!? But then, I can't argue with most of them!

There are a lot of rednecks in NJ -- without the accent but with the old cars in the front yard -- in places like Gloucester, Salem and Cumberland counties.

Hey now! I live in Gloucester County!!!! And some of our best riding roads are in Salem and Cumberland counties!!

(My town has an ordinance about dead cars though. May have been a problem once huh?)

Hey Herb,

Nothing personal. They are just examples. I just meant that in NJ, houses are cheaper in those southern counties than, say, Bergen county. There are also rednecks in Sussex and Warren counties, in NW NJ. And, yes, I have seen rusty vehicles on front yards in those counties.

[sjbmw]

There are a lot of rednecks in NJ -- without the accent but with the old cars in the front yard -- in places like Gloucester, Salem and Cumberland counties.

Hey now! I live in Gloucester County!!!! And some of our best riding roads are in Salem and Cumberland counties!!

(My town has an ordinance about dead cars though. May have been a problem once huh?)

Hey Herb,

Nothing personal. They are just examples. I just meant that in NJ, houses are cheaper in those southern counties than, say, Bergen county. There are also rednecks in Sussex and Warren counties, in NW NJ. And, yes, I have seen rusty vehicles on front yards in those counties.

Hey no worries!
I think I may have a few in my family.
They buy big guns, like to shoot animals, and drink a lot of beer, and are often intolerant of others. Since they don't watch NASCAR, they think they are stealth. But they can't hide from me...

[wncbmw]

Hey, comment got repeated 4 times already on this thread! Is that some sort of record?

[Biff's R]

Another redneck trait is to use an old school bus as a storage shed.

[Sunbeemer]

How 'bout an ol' Chevy van? Haven't put 3000 miles on mine since gas got so high. Makes a good little shed tho'.

[GypsyRR]

a growing desire to learn the banjo (and mandolin) has become implanted in my head, my steadily growing gun collection, I used to make fun of these people. Now I realize I’m more like them than I thought.

HEY!! Wait a minute, there. I play mandolin and I'm not a redneck. A lot of the old classical pieces were surely written with the mandolin in mind, like "Whiskey Before Breakfast", "Old Joe Clark", "Camptown Races", and "Fox on the Run". Truthfully, it is and has been played in classical string ensembles for years.

If you are going to choose between the two instruments, choose mandolin over banjo (I have an extra I'll sell to you).

[yjleesvrr]

Hey, I tried Monster Sushi in Summit NJ last week - the place rocks, just as good or better than the place we tried on Rte 22. Let me know if you're up for it next time you're in NJ.

T

Will do. My trip to NJ this week got canceled. Wound up riding the Roadster to Haymarket and then back down to Blacksburg within 24 hours.

Not sure if I'll ride up next week or drive. Regardless, next time I have time I'll let you know. We may be able to get Bob on board for an evening of sushi as well.

Funny thing to be talking about in light of what this thread is about